Wet Dogs and Love Songs
by Bohemian Storm
Summary: A challenge response .... Ron, Hermione, Gilderoy, Snape, love songs and bad Every Flavour Beans. What else do you need for a fun filled adventure?


Disclaimer: I don't own them. And it's no wonder. :D  
  
Notes: In response to Nita and Twixxa's lovely challenge. Hope I live up to the others.  
  
* * * *  
  
  
Ron Weasley let out a deep sigh as he stuck his hand into a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans, then let his gaze wander across the crowded Inn to where Hermione and Harry stood at the bar. The Three Broomsticks was bustling, but that wasn't very surprising, not when it was the first Hogsmeade visit of their fifth year. Ron watched Hermione reach across the bar to balance the two mugs of butterbeer that Rosmerta was pushing in her direction and Harry grabbed the third before it could topple to the floor.   
  
As his friends walked back to the table Ron stuck another Bean into his mouth, then spat it into his napkin and stared at it. It was grey and flecked with gold, but Ron hadn't tasted anything like it ever before. He scrubbed his tongue with his hand, then grabbed for a mug and downed most of the butterbeer in one gulp.  
  
Hermione grinned as she sat down. "Really, Ron, you ought to be more careful when eating those things."  
  
He stuck his tongue out as far as he could and tried to examine it.  
  
"I've never seen that one before," Harry said, staring at the remains of the Bean.  
  
"It's wet dog," Hermione said, staring at it. "I got one last year. Your breath will smell like wet dog for days now."  
  
"Days?" Ron asked as all his plans for finally telling Hermione that he liked her went flying out the window.  
  
She nodded and smiled. "Days."  
  
Ron closed his eyes and groaned, leaning his head against the back of his chair. "Only me, you know that right? It's always, and only, me."  
  
Harry just shook his head, then let his eyes wander across the crowded room. Most of the patrons were Hogwarts students and professors, many of them with a mug of butterbeer or something stronger from the bar if they were a teacher. Near the door, Professor Snape was standing against the wall and glaring over the students with a sour look on his face. His robes were drawn tightly over his chest and he seemed to be the only one in the room without a drink of some sort.  
  
"What's Snape doing here?" Harry asked.  
  
"I don't know," Ron moaned miserably, his voice muffled behind the hand that he seemed determined to keep over his mouth. He cast a sidelong glance at Hermione before looking over to where Snape was standing.  
  
"Maybe he doesn't like being locked up in the school all the time," Hermione suggested.  
  
"Hey, Harry," Ron said suddenly, taking the attention off Snape. "Does my breath really smell like wet dog?" He opened his mouth and breathed on his friend, who immediately fell over backward onto the floor.  
  
"Lord, yes," Harry breathed, coughing into his hand. "Don't do that ever again!" He stood up and brushed himself off. "I feel like I need to brush my teeth," he said, then staggered off in the direction of the bathroom.  
  
Ron watched him go, not knowing whether to cheer or cry. He was finally alone with Hermione but his breath smelled like a wet dog. He didn't really want her to pass out from the stench while he was trying to explain to her how he felt, it probably wouldn't be a real ego boost to watch her face screw up in disgust. He studied her carefully as he wondered whether or not he should even bother opening his mouth. It could be disastrous for one or both of them.  
  
"It's not that bad," Hermione snapped. "You are allowed to talk, you know."  
  
Ron started and glanced at her. "Sorry," he mumbled. "Lost in though."  
  
Hermione's frown quickly vanished and she snickered into her mug.   
  
"What?" Ron protested behind his hand.  
  
"Lost in thought?" Hermione asked, still laughing.  
  
"I think!" Ron said indignantly.  
  
"About what?"  
  
"Err . . . loads of important things," he said huffily, finally taking his hand away from his mouth.  
  
Hermione shrunk away from him. "I take back what I said, it is quite bad."  
  
Ron glared at her.  
  
"Sorry," she offered.  
  
"Just when I have something important to say," Ron mumbled.  
  
Hermione frowned. "And what is that, may I ask?"  
  
"No, you may not ask," Ron snapped. "You can just sit there and laugh about my wet dog breath and the fact that I WAS very much lost in thought."  
  
Hermione actually looked hurt at this. "Fine. Then it won't bother you that I don't care at all about what that important thing was that you wanted to say."  
  
"Fine," Ron said from behind his hand.  
  
"Fine," Hermione replied, crossing her arms and staring across the room where Snape was still leaning against the wall.   
  
The Potions Master shifted slightly, moving for what appeared to be the first time that evening, just as the door banged open and a blonde wizard in shimmering lilac robes entered the pub. Hermione's eyes widened slightly as she took in Gilderoy Lockhart standing before them all, restored to his full and original glory. His blue eyes swept across the room and landed on Hermione.  
  
"My best student!" he called, waving a hand in Hermione's direction. "Perfection, I tell you. Besides myself, of course, there's no one better."  
  
Hermione flushed slightly and Ron glowered angrily at the former professor. Who did he think he was, barging in here and trying to put the moves on the girl that Ron loved? He wasn't anything special, that Gilderoy Lockhart. He certainly seemed to think more of himself than anyone else in the entire pub did. Ron glanced over at Hermione and sighed. Everyone in the pub, but Hermione, that was.  
  
"Hermione Granger," Gilderoy said, flashing brilliantly white teeth and making his way over. "My, how you have matured."  
  
Hermione giggled . . . she actually giggled and Ron glared harder. If his breath hadn't smelled like wet dog he would have told Gilderoy off in a second, then he would have confessed his undying love to Hermione and ridden off into the sunset on Harry's firebolt. But his entire, horrible evening boiled down to that stupid bean that was sitting on the table and taunting him.  
  
From across the room Ron saw Snape take a step away from the wall and realized that the Potions Master hated Gilderoy just as much as he did in that moment.   
  
"I would love for you to accompany me to my next book signing," Gilderoy said to Hermione. That was the last thing Ron heard him say before he jumped onto the table and glared down at all of them.  
  
"So, my breath smells like wet dog," he said loudly, catching the attention of those who hadn't seen him jump onto the table. "And I'm no Gilderoy Lockhart, but I can do something that he can't do, Hermione!"  
  
Hermione stared up at him, the expression on her face hovering somewhere between amused and frightened. "What's that?" she asked timidly, sounding unsure that she really wanted an answer.  
  
Ron smiled down at her. "I," he paused dramatically, "can sing!"  
  
"Good God," Hermione muttered and buried her face in her hands.  
  
Harry had returned from the bathroom to see Ron standing on the table, Hermione trying to sink into her chair, Gilderoy Lockhart standing nearby looking quite pleased with himself and Snape only feet away and looking as if he was ready to wring the life out of Gilderoy. It was a very odd scenario indeed and it only got worse when Ron opened his mouth.  
  
"Look into my eyes," Ron crooned, blushing straight through his hair. "You will see what you mean to me."  
  
Hermione turned so red that she looked nearly purple and buried her face in her arms.  
  
"Search your heart," Ron continued, sounding surprisingly decent to Harry's ears. "Search your soul and when you find me there you'll search no more."  
  
"Ron, please," Hermione begged, staring up at him. "If I admit that I've loved you for the past four years, will you stop?"  
  
Ron grinned and shook his head. "Don't tell me it's not worth trying for," he sang, jumping down off the table and landing nearby. "You can't tell me it's not worth dying for."  
  
He paused and took Hermione's hand in his own. "You know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you." He grinned at her. "Still ready to admit that you've loved me for the past four years?"  
  
"I hate you," Hermione said, but the grin on her face stated otherwise.  
  
"Now," Ron said triumphantly, "can the great Gilderoy Lockhart do that?"  
  
Gilderoy straightened his shoulders and opened his mouth to sing, but was cut off when Snape grabbed him a planted a huge, wet, slopping kiss on his mouth. Harry's eyes widened and Hermione fell out of her chair as the entire pub grew quiet.  
  
Gilderoy's blue eyes nearly bulged out of his head and he turned approximately four different shades of red before raising his hand and slapping Snape as hard as he could. With a snort of indignance, Gilderoy turned and flounced from the pub.  
  
Snape stared at his students then shrugged. "What can I say?" he asked. "Love songs always make me sentimental."  
  
  
The End 


End file.
